


The Pledge

by Tallulah



Category: Azumanga Daioh
Genre: Alternate Universe - Battle Royale Fusion, Friendship, Gen, Promises, Self-Sacrifice, Sleepovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2019-01-06
Packaged: 2019-09-24 07:29:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17096417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tallulah/pseuds/Tallulah
Summary: At the start of ninth grade, the girls get to talking about what they'd do if they ended up in The Program. They get to test out their theory sooner than they might have expected.





	1. The Pledge

It wasn't until half-past ten, when they'd eaten most of the snacks and Tomo was starting to look thoughtfully at the piles of scary movies she'd brought round, that Chiyo got brave enough to ask her question.

“So... did you guys ever talk about... um... what you'd do if you... if _we_ got picked for the Program?”

She expected Tomo to roll her eyes and say _Duh, of course... you're such a kid_ or Yomi to answer as if she couldn't believe anyone wouldn't know, but everyone just kind of went quiet. Yomi glanced away, pushing her hair back behind her ears; Tomo chewed her lower lip; Sakaki sighed; Kaorin swallowed.

“Not here I didn't,” Osaka said. “Me and my friend back in my old school, we did a bit. On account'a how I thought it was in eighth grade they put you in it. Didn't know why no one else was worryin'...”

Tomo snorted. “Oh yeah, what was your plan? Fall asleep and hope when you woke up it would all be a dream?”

“Yep,” Osaka said, hugging her duvet-wrapped knees. “I mean I'd wanna to be the winner but you know I ain't very good at runnin', so I don't think it'd work out.”

“Pah,” Tomo said. “Come on, if we got picked _I'd_ be the winner.”

“What? Why the hell would you be the winner?” Yomi demanded. 

“Oh, come on!” Tomo pointed to herself dramatically. “Do I or do I not have _winner_ written all over me? I'm tenacious, beautiful, ruthless, resourceful –”

“ _Loud_ ,” Yomi said over her. “Loudest girl in the class. Which means girl most likely to be discovered by whichever of our classmates turns out to be a psycho in training.”

“Besides,” Kaorin said, “if anyone here's going to be a winner, it's Sakaki.”

Sakaki blinked like she didn't know that she was the tallest and scariest girl in their _grade_ , not just their class. Chiyo still couldn't quite believe they were at a _sleepover_ together. The thought of facing Sakaki in the Program made her stomach go icy.

“Okay,” Tomo said, nodding. “I'll allow Sakaki's a _contender_ , but when it comes down to it...”

“Shut _up_ , Tomo,” Yomi said, hitting her with a pillow. Then, to Chiyo, “Actually, you know what, I did talk about it. Tomo and I, when we were in elementary school – remember, Tomo? We agreed we'd find a place to hide, wait til we were the last two –”

“And _battle it out_ ,” Tomo said, pointing skyward. Lowering her hand, she continued, “Why'd you ask, anyway, Chiyo-chan? I mean... to be honest we _don't_ talk about it. It's like... it's not going to happen, so why bother?”

Chiyo tugged at her hair, feeling a little silly now, but they were all waiting for her to answer, so she said, “My mum and dad are worried about it.” _I'm worried about it_ , she didn't say. “Just... they could see it was best for me to be moved up to ninth grade, but I guess they're a little scared, too. Just – just in case the worst happens.”

“Hey, yeah,” Osaka said, frowning. “That's not okay, them putting a ten-year-old in the Program. You oughta be exempted.”

“Ooh, maybe that means we're safe because we've got Chiyo-chan,” Tomo said. 

“Dream on,” Yomi said. “I don't think it works that way.”

“But it's not going to happen, though,” Kaorin said.

“No,” Tomo said. “Course it's not.”

In the silence, Sakaki said, “If we did get chosen... we should protect Chiyo-chan.” 

When they all looked at her, she turned a bit red, but her voice was as steady as ever as she continued, “Osaka's right.”

“So, if we did – if we did end up in it, we'd all band together to protect her,” Kaorin said, nodding. “Oh, wow, Sakaki, that's awesome.”

Chiyo could feel herself turning red now. “Um, I didn't... you don't have to do that! I didn't mean you to... um... I mean if it did happen then I'd be fine! Really!”

They all looked at her now, rather sadly.

“Yeah, you're right,” Yomi said at last. “We can't just let you get murdered.”

“Nuh-uh,” Osaka said. “Wouldn't be right.”

“Well, I dunno,” Tomo said. “I mean, it _is_ survival of the fittest – hey, I never said I wouldn't help!” she said as Yomi shoved her. “I'll totally help! If it comes to it you'll be easier to take down when it's just the two of us!” She stuck out her hand into the centre of the circle. “Team Chiyo-chan!”

“Team Chiyo-chan,” Yomi said, shaking her head but putting her hand on top of Tomo's. Sakaki followed suit; Kaorin placed her hand over Sakaki's; Osaka murmured, “Team Chiyo-chan,” to herself and leant in to add her hand. Chiyo could feel herself still blushing. She wouldn't ever admit it, but this was actually making her feel a bit less scared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for 40fandoms on LiveJournal.


	2. Arithmetic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Osaka's never been that great at maths.

When Osaka first woke up in the classroom nothing seemed weird because she’s always kind of waking up in the classroom. Mostly she wakes up and Miss Yukari hits her with a rolled-up bit of paper and that’s it. But this time she opened her eyes and nothing happened ‘cept everyone else was doing the same as her, blinking and yawning and staring round. 

Took her a while to notice it wasn’t even their classroom, it was someplace she’d never been. Okay, wasn’t til Yomi pointed it out to her the windows was all boarded up and on the wrong side of the room. Took her even longer to notice the metal collar round her neck. She only noticed it when she started pulling at it, ‘cause it felt weird, and someone said, _I wouldn’t do that if I were you._

The man at the front of the room with the smile, he explained it all to them. Wasn’t til he was done she realised they were gonna be in the Program. She spent a bit of time then thinking _wake up, wake up_ , ‘cause she’s had a lot of dreams and sometimes you kind of lose track and maybe this was one of those times? But she already kind of knew it wasn’t, it felt way darker than any of her dreams ever been. 

Makes sense, she figures. Don’t they just pick you out of a hat or something? So they got unlucky. She gets unlucky a lot, mostly in the tripping-over-things category, so figures she’d end up here. But then she’s like, no. No, that’s wrong. Because her ending up here and stuff is one thing but Chiyo-chan and Sakaki, Kaorin and Tomo and Kagura and Yomi, them ending up here, and only one person gonna make it out, that’s, that’s, that –

There’s a lot of instructions and she’s sort of trying to follow ‘em but she’s already knowing it ain’t gonna work. This kind of stuff – running and hiding and fighting – this ain’t the kind of stuff she’s good at. She was kind of thinking maybe this year she’d be better, be faster and smarter and know what she was doing and stuff, but it didn’t happen, and she was kind of okay with that, and now it’s…

Now, she guesses it’s never going to.

Hadn’t thought of it like that til now. Makes her stomach hurt and go cold. Only one person’s gonna make it out and she’s terrible at running and even stuff like throwing beanbags. So it ain’t gonna be her.

She wonders if she could just put her head down on the desk and go back to sleep.

Probably they’d wake you up and chuck you out.

Takes her a long time to do the maths (she’s not so good at that, either). Not that it’s difficult, thirty-nine minus thirty-eight is one, and it ain’t gonna be her, but it might be one of the others. Maybe? They all swore, that time at the sleepover, they all swore they’d protect Chiyo-chan, if it came to it, ‘cause she’s little and it ain’t right putting a ten-year-old in this. Plus, Chiyo-chan’s smarter’n all of them put together. If anyone survives, should be her, yeah?

So, so Osaka should go out there and…

And…

Wasn’t like she was exactly thinking about it. Wasn’t like she reasoned it all out. Just like she was holding onto the collar again, thinking she really didn’t like it. And kind of thinking she was gonna have to do _something_ ‘cause she was pretty early on in the class list – and, hey, Chiyo-chan was much later, and what was she gonna do til then, just wait around outside? 

Be nasty if someone else killed you, she figured.

And that she wasn’t really very good at most of the stuff you’d need for protectin’ people. Probably she’d more likely trip over something and accidentally fire a gun and kill someone. Yeah, sounds like the kind of thing she’d do.

And thirty-nine minus one is thirty-eight.

And then she was yanking at the collar properly, trying to pull it off, and it almost felt like no big deal, like just rocking on your chair or something. 

Just before she hears the _beep_ and there’s _nothing_ , she thinks that she’s gonna look pretty weird, doing this like she didn’t even listen to what the man said ‘bout the collars. Kind of a shame. So she looks round to find Chiyo-chan, and tries to smile, and then she wrenches at the collar one last time, just to show she does know what’s going on, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for 12daysChristmas on LiveJournal, prompt "Five uncertain choices".


	3. Finish Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kagura's never been good at sitting around and waiting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for 12daysChristmas on LiveJournal, prompt "Six dodged bullets". Kagura has been transferred into Miss Yukari's class a year earlier. It felt wrong not having her here.

Kagura hadn’t been scared, up til now. Well, not that scared. Only, like, a bit on edge. Okay, it was the Program, and that was… that was bad, it was so bad she’d been trying not to think about it, and – and Osaka just – just – the collar had exploded and then just the blood everywhere –

But that wasn’t _scary_ , okay, it was just – just a bit gross and – and she’s not scared of blood, she’s fine with stuff like that so –

And she’d found the others, and it’s way harder to be scared when it’s just you hanging out with your friends, even if you are all hiding in a farmhouse because the rest of your class are trying to kill you. It was still just hanging out like it’s been so far. Sakaki standing tall and quiet by the door (with a katana in her hands, keeping watch); Tomo and Yomi bickering with each other (in whispers, in case anyone heard); Chiyo-chan getting everyone something to eat and being the perfect hostess (cooking rice over a camping stove she’d found in the garage, her eyes red from all the crying she’d done about Osaka). 

To be honest Kagura sort of didn’t know what to do. Like, she was mostly loud and made jokes and was rough, right? And at least two of those were really not helpful here. And she might’ve joked back in the real world about how the Program would totally come down to her versus Sakaki because they were the two best athletes in the class and Sakaki was her rival – that was why she’d been moved into this class halfway through the term, Miss Yukari’d realised it’d improve their chances in the sports festival – 

But now when she actually looked at Sakaki and thought about trying to kill her it made her feel cold all over (she didn’t know if that was because she knows Sakaki’s a sweet girl who loves cats and would never hurt a fly under the scary-looking demeanour, or because she wonders if, if it came down to it, maybe Sakaki would –)

She didn’t know what to do, and having nothing to do made her start to get scared.

But then the shooting started and she realised she hadn’t known what being scared _was_ until now. Luckily they’re all sitting on the floor but the window smashes and then she sees the holes appearing in the opposite wall and she thinks about a hole like that being put through her head and for the first time ever she feels – she feels _small_ and _weak_ and just made of bone and skin and things that’ll break –

None of them have got guns. Even if they did, Kagura’s not sure what they’d do. Fire back? How do you do that without getting shot? In the movies it always looks like they’ve planned it out, _you shoot then I shoot_ , no one really getting hurt. They all hide under the table except Sakaki, who’s pressed against the wall, keeps glancing out of the door – she says, _it’s Wakana,_ who sits three rows behind Kagura in homeroom, _She’s hiding in the trees_ –

_She’ll come closer. She’ll come inside._

Chiyo-chan is dead white, like she’s worked out it means _she’ll come inside and shoot us all_ but can’t make herself say it out loud. Yomi’s like _well, we should block the doors, then, we shouldn’t just **wait** for her_ and Tomo’s like _I’m not going to go finding stuff to make a barricade with! What if I got shot?_ and Yomi rolls her eyes and says, _You’re going to get shot **anyway** –_ and Kagura feels Sakaki glance at her and –

Funny, turns out they’re different in a lot of ways, like Kagura never thought a girl who was so good at sports would like cats and flowers and cute things so much, but it’s like they’ve both had the same thought this time and the only question is who’s going to make the move.

Another shot takes out the overhead light.

Kagura’s never been any good at sitting around waiting for stuff.

She’s crawling out from under the table, fast as she can. Tomo’s yelling at her _What are you doing?_ but she ignores it. Grabs up the baseball bat sticking out of her kitbag. 

_I’m gonna make a run for it. She’ll follow and you guys can get out. I mean – hopefully._

Tomo is like _Oh! Gotcha_ and gives her a thumbs-up, and Yomi looks dubious but just says, _When – when you’ve lost her, we should meet at the shrine – the one further north –_

Kagura nods even though she kind of thinks this might not be going to happen. But hey, they can all pretend, right? Only Chiyo-chan isn’t pretending. She’s shaking her head and saying, _You can’t, you can’t go out there, she’ll kill you –_

_Well, **I’m** not going out there,_ says Tomo. _And, I mean, you’re the worst runner in our class. And Sakaki’s got the katana. I say if Kagura wants to nobly sacrifice herself –_

_Shut up,_ Yomi hisses. _Kagura’s not going to sacrifice herself, that’d be losing. You can outrun her, right?_ she says, and when Kagura nods (yeah, if it was just a race she’d be fine, but when _guns_ are involved –) _Okay. Good. Hey, I think she’s stopped to reload –_

Kagura doesn’t stick around. She pushes herself up like it’s off the starting blocks, the bat in one hand, out the door, out into the sunlight. Smells like a nice day. She hears someone running after her, the crunch of feet on leaves. A shot hits the ground behind her, she feels the puff of earth on the back of her heel, but it doesn’t hit.

Then she’s not scared any more. If there’s one thing she knows how to do it’s run. She won’t dodge all the bullets, but this is a good start, right?


	4. Performing Arts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakaki doesn't want to play, but she will if she has to.

Sakaki doesn’t want to play.

She had known that right from the start, back in the classroom, when they had explained how the Program works and what’s about to happen. Since she found out what the Program was, even. People had teased her, sometimes, said they’d hate to go up against her in it. Assumed that because she was tall and maybe looked kind of scary because she didn’t smile much, she’d be… she’d be really good at it.

Sakaki knows better. 

People can be difficult. People can be confusing and scary. If she keeps quiet and stares them out, half the time it’s because she doesn’t really know what to say. A lot of the time it’s easier being on her own, or watching instead of talking.

But these are her friends, and this is the Program, and she doesn’t want to play, but she’s standing holding a katana (like how she remembers that woman in that film holding it, up towards one shoulder) and one of the boys is pointing a gun at her, his hands shaking, tears pouring down his face, and which one of them is going to break first?

The breeze rustles across the clearing. She can hear Chiyo-chan whimpering. Maybe not just Chiyo-chan. Maybe the others as well. It’s okay for them to be crying. But she can’t, not right now.

The boy – Saito – is yelling at her, _drop the sword!_ He’s yelling _I’ll do it! Don’t think I won’t! I’ve done it before!_ But his voice is shaking so that every _I_ is _I I I_ and he keeps giving little gasps for air. If he does fire the gun, she won’t be able to do anything. She will just – die. He’s yelling at her that she’s only got a sword and he’s not scared of her. Well, she knows that’s not true. If he fires the gun, he’ll kill her, and then he’ll kill the others. He’ll kill Chiyo-chan. 

They all swore – it feels like years ago now – that if _it_ ever happened, if they ever _were_ – _if_ – then their first priority would be to protect Chiyo-chan. The others might have sworn it as a joke but Sakaki realises she always meant it. Her heart is pounding so hard it hurts and she is feeling very, very sick, but she is watching herself keep her face cold and still. She is watching herself step forward and raise the sword a little bit higher. 

_Please. Please –_

If he fires the gun, he’ll kill her.

If he doesn’t, but he doesn’t go away either, then –

Then –

Then she will protect her friends –

Another step.

She stares into his eyes, and she says, low and calm, as if it’s someone else entirely talking, “You should go.”

One more step.

And as if it’s the two of them performing this for everyone else, as if they agreed on it – he stumbles back. He stumbles back and he’s running. He’s running away.

Sakaki doesn’t move. She doesn’t move after he’s out of sight. She doesn’t move after the others crawl out from the undergrowth and hurry up to her and Tomo whispers, “That was literally the coolest thing I have ever seen,” and Yomi hisses, “Shut up, we need to get out of here,” and Chiyo-chan just squeezes her round the waist and cries into her shirt. She only moves when the others have gathered up their kitbags and picked a path and they’re all going deeper into the woods. Then she lowers the sword, a little, and follows them. She tries not to wonder what she’d have done if he hadn’t run away.


	5. Badass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tomo's not an idiot. She knows things are bad. But she's got a plan.

Tomo’s not that much of an idiot. Well, she’s not _actually_ an idiot at all, no matter what some people might say, but sure, she doesn’t always think things through, and some people might figure she hasn’t quite worked out quite how bad this is.

This is the Program. This is _really_ bad. 

Okay, over half the class are dead, so it could be worse, but it’s still set at _really bad_ until you’re the only one left and get to go home. And there’s a whole lot more than one person left. 

They’re hiding out in someone’s house, a little old wooden house like an old lady’s, the smell of verandahs and mothballed kimonos. Sakaki and Chiyo-chan are asleep upstairs (Sakaki looked like she could stay awake for ever but Sakaki is probably the best hope of keeping them alive so Yomi said she should take the chance to rest). Tomo and Yomi are keeping watch in the main room, staying back behind the curtains and gazing out at the moonlit woods and the rocky path up to the house. 

Tomo’s never normally shy about saying stuff to Yomi’s face, or anyone’s face, but she’s been trying to get up the guts to say something for like fifteen minutes now. Okay, doesn’t help that whenever she draws a breath Yomi glowers at her as if to say, _don’t start_. Probably Yomi’s thinking the same kind of thing as her.

There’s a screech of static and then the voice coming over the earthquake-warning system speakers in the trees, listing the names. Doesn’t really mean much any more. First couple of reports, Tomo tried to tell herself, _I never liked her_ or _I mean he probably got himself killed through being stupid_ but now she’s just like, _So. More names, right?_

She gets out her class list and crosses people off anyway. Okay, wow, really not many left now. Eight. Kaorin’s still out there somewhere. The others are all people Tomo doesn’t really care about. Although, she’s kind of like, _Do I really care about anyone now? Like really? I mean, do I actually think they deserve to win instead of me?_

Yomi is crossing the names off as well and she puts her class list back in her bag and then she takes a deep, wobbly breath and then she takes her glasses off and rubs a hand across her eyes and that’s – that really sort of shows how bad it is. Yomi hasn’t cried once so far. Yomi rarely cries at all, she gets mad instead. Someone like Chiyo-chan would give her a hug and tell her it’s all going to be okay, but Tomo isn’t going to go in for all that mushy stuff. This is _Yomi_. They don’t act like that. That’d just be making it clearer how bad things are.

“So, I dunno, I reckon it’s looking good for us,” she says, for something to say, and because she knows it’ll make Yomi mad.

Her friend scowls at her: “Yes, well, you’ve never been the sharpest tool in the box, have you?”

“There’s no need to get mean just because we’re in a death game.”

“ _God_ ,” Yomi hisses, her voice all raw and shaky, “Just _shut up_ , Tomo, okay, I can’t put up with you right now!”

That’s not good. Tomo hugs her knees while she thinks about it. 

If she’s honest, she was _kind_ of wondering if she could be the one to make it out. Like everyone else was saying _I could never play! I could never kill you!_ and she’s like, _well, I mean, if it’s her or me…_ She didn’t say it out loud, of course, she’s not stupid, and she figured sticking together would be a smart move, it’d keep you safe. But then as time’s gone on, she’s been wondering, _I mean, maybe, maybe I should just, maybe…_ And they’d got a couple of guns now. Like… 

Like there’s hardly anyone left. 

And she really doesn’t want to die. 

When she thinks about that part, she kind of stops being her and she’s just this… like, this scared little kid curled up in a corner. That’s not good, either, and she’s kind of worried it’ll end up like maybe that part would take over. Like if you had to go and attack someone and you were pretty sure they were better-armed. Eventually everyone left would be trying to win as well, and Tomo knows she’s amazing in a lot of ways but she’s got to be honest, she’s not great at running and she’s kind of loud and sometimes the stuff she does backfires. The odds aren’t the best they could be. 

Which is why she says to Yomi, “You know one of us could win this.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

“I’m not, there’s hardly any of us left. We need to start thinking about endgame. I mean, we might be _in_ endgame. I don’t know how you tell. Like… what if it comes down to just us lot?”

“Shut up,” Yomi says, staring out at the moonlight – it glints on her glasses and turns her eyes blank and Tomo says what she’s thinking, which is, “How come you didn’t play? I mean you’re good at sport and you’re really smart and you hate anyone being better than you at stuff. You could’ve just shot us all by now. I mean, I guess you still could.” Yomi’s the one holding the gun; Sakaki’s got the other one upstairs next to the bed. Tomo still thinks that was kind of unfair even if part of her _would’ve_ wanted to shoot at every window and tin can she saw just ‘cause. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Yomi says, and she still sounds not like her, as if she’s being dragged down into nothing by all of this, a weight tied to her feet pulling the real her onto the seabed or something.

“Yeah, but we have to, don’t we? Because if it’s just us in the end, all of us, we have to pick someone or it’s head-explode-y time.” She tries not to think about Osaka. It’s way different hearing people’s names on the reports and actually seeing their head lying on the floor not that far away from your feet. She kept going on about it at first to make Chiyo-chan look faint and then she found herself feeling kind of sick and dizzy and sad so she shut up –

“Where’s this going, Tomo?” Yomi says, turning to stare at her. She’s still got the gun.

“Is it because of that pledge?” Tomo says, figuring she might as well spit it out. “Are you figuring we’ll all just get to the end and then kill ourselves so Chiyo-chan’s okay? Because… Sakaki will totally do that, because Sakaki’s a total amazing badass.”

“And you think I won’t?” Yomi says.

“I dunno if you will or not.” Tomo rubs the back of her head, manages a grin: “I dunno if I will or not. Going out by suicide’s kind of pathetic. I’d rather have a dramatic shootout.”

“No, you wouldn’t,” Yomi says, cold now. “You’re saying that because you want to believe it, but it isn’t true. What you want is to be okay and go home. That’s what we all want. That’s why everyone is dying.”

“And you want it too,” Tomo says. “That’s why you’re in such a bad mood.”

Yomi gives her a look like she really hates her, but she doesn’t actually deny it, which Tomo knows pretty much means _Yes._

“Know what I think?” she says.

“You’re going to tell me, I’m sure.”

“I think we should go thin out the competition.” Tomo hears her voice shake a little, but she can’t tell if it’s fear or just laughing at how not-real that sounds. “Sakaki and Chiyo-chan are hoping everyone else’ll do it for them and, I mean, okay. But I reckon you and I, we don’t need to sit around. We could go and be badasses together.”

Yomi still doesn’t say anything.

“ ‘Cause when it comes down to it,” Tomo says, “I reckon that’s more helpful to Chiyo-chan than just waiting. She’s got Sakaki. She doesn’t need us.”

Yomi sits in silence for a long while.

At last she gets to her feet, nods.

“Sure,” she says. “Come on.”

Really, Tomo should’ve seen it coming. Should’ve worked out that no way was Yomi going to abandon the other two without making sure they were awake and watching out for danger. Should’ve worked out, too, that there was no way Yomi would put up with her, Tomo, following her through the woods and being loud. Definitely should’ve seen it coming that there was no way Yomi was going to let her hold the gun. But she didn’t put any of that together. Right until she’s standing in the doorway with her kitbag over her shoulder saying, “Ready?” and Yomi just raises the gun and that’s it.

But when she hears the shot, she realises what she should’ve guessed, and it’s like she always knew it. Which is good. It’s nice to be right about people.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for 12daysChristmas, prompt "Twelve great weights".


	6. What's Necessary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yomi knows who she is deep down.

Yomi doesn’t run. She walks, moving from darkness to darkness, like she knows exactly what she’s doing. The gun’s warm in her hand.

_Sorry, Tomo. Sorry –_

Her throat tightens and she thinks she feels, deep down inside, she feels sad and sick but she buries all of that.

She thinks, sometimes, she might’ve been kind of different if she hadn’t had Tomo following her around being a pest since elementary school. When they weren’t together, people told Yomi _you’re so smart!_ or _You’re really good at this_ or _You’re so mature._ When Yomi was on her own, (she liked to think) she was a pretty okay person. You know, held doors open for people, tried to give directions to foreigners, was class rep once in middle school. She thinks that if she hadn’t been around Tomo, maybe she’d be like that all the time. But when she and Tomo hung out, they bickered and made fun of each other and –

She thinks Tomo likes to see her dropping the _pretty okay person_ façade.

Liked. Tomo liked to see.

_Stupid idiot was only going to get us both killed._ She’d fancied herself a contender. Tomo, who cries every time a cat scratches her and does idiotic things just because she really believes nothing bad will happen or that if it does then she’s awesome enough it won’t affect her. She’d probably run right towards someone with a machine gun. Or the two of them would be hiding and she’d shove Yomi into view just to annoy her. 

Better she died with that idiocy untouched.

And she had. 

So.

The thing is that now Tomo’s gone, Yomi’s going to have to be herself. Drop the façade all on her own. The thought of it should feel good, maybe? It’s supposed to be a relief. But it just makes her feel tired and dragged down, like the gun is a solid weight too heavy to lift. It’s very easy to lift, and point, and fire. That was another reason why she did it. She needed to know that she knew what to do.

Because Tomo, _damn it_ , Tomo had been right.

She imagines Tomo sauntering along besides her, shoving through the undergrowth, grinning and saying, _Just say that once more. Just so I can hear it._ The sadness again. Swallow it down. _You were right._ An _okay person_ would keep sticking to that pledge to protect Chiyo-chan, because you have to some reason to keep yourself alive here that’s not killing everyone else to survive. Right. So protect Chiyo-chan. By any means necessary. 

No way are Sakaki and Kaorin able to get rid of the other players. Not now. Sakaki may look badass, and she may be brave, and she might take a bullet for Chiyo-chan, but that’s useless if her opponent just fires again. And Kaorin, and Chiyo herself? Come on. 

An _okay person_ would do what’s right.

Someone like Yomi, who’s maybe kind of mean underneath, and shot her best friend ( _Yeah,_ Tomo says, _**best friend** , that’s right, you loved every minute of hanging out with me, my wit and my charm and my intelligence, it’s okay, I know you can only say it now I’m dead –_)

Stop it. No more room for that kind of stuff now.

Someone like her, who’s kind of mean, but also pretty smart, certainly smart enough to see the big picture, is going to do what’s necessary.

She thinks Tomo knew that.

Ahead of her, in the forest, a twig snaps, and someone is breathing. She grips the gun with both hands, and keeps walking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for 12daysChristmas, prompt "Twelve great weights".


	7. Happy Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaorin figures this is the best thing that could have happened, really.

Kaorin sort of knows when she’s found them. A little house sitting there in the dawn light, a little old house like her grandma’s. Sakaki would’ve found Chiyo-chan a house to hide in. Of course she would.

Closer and closer and she sees, she sees the smear of pink school uniform on the verandah and she doesn’t know if she wants to run towards it or away from it, _not her, please not her_ , she’s not going to see Sakaki die, she’s not, she can’t carry that memory with her –

It’s not Sakaki, it’s Tomo, lying on her back, a _huh?_ kind of smile still on her face, and then there are footsteps and Kaorin looks up to see Sakaki standing in the doorway, deep shadows under her eyes and her mouth crumpling a bit but still her, still _her_ –

Kaorin doesn’t realise how tired she was and how scared she was and how much the fear was dragging her down until she’s let go of it. She’s sitting in the little kitchen area and she’s crying and crying so hard she can’t breathe and Sakaki is holding her and stroking her hair, she smells of two nights hiding in abandoned houses and a little of blood but under that still her, still _her_ –

She explains what happened to the others and Kaorin tells a little of the stuff she’s seen (all bad stuff, and she cries when she tells it, but that doesn’t matter) and then they sit against the wall together and Sakaki puts her arm round Kaorin like she understood how Kaorin felt all this time. Kaorin tries not to just bury her face in Sakaki’s shoulder (or her chest), this is the Program, they need to – they need to think –

They don’t talk about what they’re going to do, though. They just sit together.

When the report comes through Kaorin almost wants to just turn it off, like it’s a radio programme she doesn’t care about. She feels Sakaki’s arm tighten around her, though, so she sits and listens. 

It’s the two of them, and Chiyo-chan, and this guy Yamazaki who Kaorin knows is playing, and that’s it.

Kaorin doesn’t want to ask the question, she just wants to stay like this, but it swells under her ribs until she can’t breathe and in the end she has to open her mouth and whisper, “What are you going to do?”

“If Yamazaki is playing,” Sakaki says, “he’ll come and find us. I won’t let him hurt us.”

Which means she’s going to kill him. When it’s Sakaki saying that, you can almost imagine it’s going to be like an anime, with cool music and flying blossom and – and a happy ending.

“And then?”

Sakaki doesn’t move, doesn’t huddle over or go pale, but she says, quietly, “I said I’d protect Chiyo-chan.”

Of course she did.

Kaorin had been trying not to think about the pledge. She likes Chiyo-chan, of course she does, but she’d just… stopped thinking about her. She’d just stopped thinking about everything but Sakaki. 

If they’re protecting Chiyo-chan, if they’re trying to make Chiyo-chan the winner, then that means –

That means –

She starts to cry again then. Funny, she always thought she’d be super-embarrassed to cry in front of Sakaki like this but it doesn’t seem to matter. Sakaki keeps holding her and doesn’t say anything and eventually Kaorin has to stop crying, she’s run out of energy. 

“You pick her over… over everyone else?” she says, all snuffly. She doesn’t say, _Over me?_

“We all… we all picked her,” Sakaki says, and she looks miserable for a moment, and Kaorin squeezes her hand because she hadn’t thought of it that way. That Sakaki hadn’t exactly asked to be one of the last ones left and have to make these kinds of decisions. That for most of the game, maybe they’d just all been thinking that no one should hurt Chiyo-chan, and it’s only now that they have to think, _well, who goes instead?_

She’d been kind of thinking, up until now, she’d been kind of thinking that maybe, somehow, Sakaki would have a plan. Maybe it could be the two of them both staying alive, even if everyone else… 

Because Sakaki was special.

When actually, Sakaki’s just a regular girl like her, and if she’s special, it’s because she’s sticking to what’s right, even though it means – even though it means –

“Okay,” she says, nodding, trying to make herself smile. “Okay. I pick her too. You and me, we’ll protect her, and – and if it ends up just the three of us then you and I, we’ll… we’ll…”

Sakaki nods and Kaorin can feel her trembling.

“It’ll be okay,” she says, squeezing Sakaki’s hand. “You won’t have to do it on your own. And… and if you’re with me, I…” She’s blushing, but she manages to carry on: “If you’re with me, I won’t be scared at all. It’ll… for me, it’ll be the best thing that could’ve happened.”

Sakaki’s blushing too, but she squeezes Kaorin’s hand back, and whispers, “Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for 12daysChristmas, prompt "Twelve great weights".


	8. Something To Live For

Chiyo doesn’t know what to say, when she’s back.

Of course no one knows what to say to her, either. No one ever knows what to say to Program winners. And of course no one knows where to _start_ with a Program winner who’s only ten years old and survived without a scratch. Everyone wants to ask _How?_ and _What did you do?_ and _What did it do to you?_ but if they do that, they’ll have to maybe say other things, they’ll have to hear answers they don’t like, and still have to be able to be in the same room as Chiyo afterwards.

So for a long while she doesn’t talk at all. It’s easier that way. She goes back to school – because there’s not a scratch on her, so why wouldn’t she? They’ve put her in Miss Kurosawa’s homeroom, which is nice. Miss Yukari’s not there any more. Chiyo tries not to think about it like she tries not to think about everyone else. They say Miss Yukari got cross when the people came to tell her that her class had been picked for the Program. Chiyo can imagine it, Miss Yukari stamping her foot and yelling, _I’ve got Sakaki and Kagura in there, how am I supposed to win the sports festival without them? Take Nyamo’s class instead!_

It probably wasn’t like that at all.

Miss Kurosawa is okay. She looks sad and worn out, especially if anyone does mention Miss Yukari, but she talks to Chiyo the same way as she does to everyone else, and tries to act like everything’s normal, and doesn’t call on her in class until the talking comes back. She asks her to come for a walk, one lunchtime, and tells her, _If you can tell someone what happened, it might make you feel better. Me, or your parents, or someone else entirely if you want. When you’re ready._

When Chiyo does start talking again it’s to Mr Tadakichi, who doesn’t get what happened and is only sad because he can see she’s sad, and thumps his tail on the floor and grins when she starts to pat him again and lets her cuddle him and cry into his fur. 

She tells Mr Tadakichi that she knows what they did, all her friends, they all stuck to that stupid pledge like it meant something. Like they actually believed she deserved to live instead of them. That they gave their lives for her and she never asked them not to, she never ran off and killed herself to stop them, she just let it happen, and that knowledge is a weight she’ll have to carry for the rest of her life.

What happened was this.

Sakaki and Kaorin came hurrying into the bedroom and they said, _He’s coming._ Sakaki said, _Stay up here. Hide._

She said, _Here, take this,_ and handed Chiyo the gun.

Chiyo scrambled into one of the little cupboards along the wall, the ones you store bedding in, and pulled the door shut, and sat hugging her knees and telling herself _Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t move,_ and trying not to think about what she’d do if she heard someone coming into the room who wasn’t her friends. Sakaki had showed her how to fire the gun. She’d focused on learning it like it was something for a test. She’d made herself not think about having to actually do it. The cupboard was cramped and dark and smelt of wood and old sheets. For ages and ages there wasn’t any sound and it started to feel as though she were hiding for a joke. Or Hide and Seek. She actually found herself smiling, as if her mind had decided to give up worrying altogether.

Then there were the shots from downstairs. Running feet and more shots. Kaorin had had a gun. Maybe it was Kaorin and Sakaki, maybe they were going to come back upstairs any minute and say, and say…

(What would they have said? Three was still too many –)

Everything went quiet again and maybe she sort of blacked out because suddenly, _suddenly_ she was sharply awake and there, curled up hiding in a cupboard, and there were footsteps on the stairs. Slow, careful. If – if it was Sakaki or Kaorin (if they’d killed Yamazaki, come on, that was what was going to happen) wouldn’t they be hurrying to tell her it was okay? Even if one of them had – had been hurt or – wouldn’t the other one be hurrying?

The door was being slid open.

Someone’s breathing. Someone that isn’t her. She thinks it isn’t her. What if it is, and she’s this loud and whoever it is can _hear_ her –

No, she needs not to panic, she needs to think, they’re counting on her, all her friends, she’s the smart one, she can’t mess this up –

How do you remember what someone’s breathing sounds like? How do you know? If she dives out of the cupboard and – and hurts Kaorin – hurts Sakaki – she can’t make that mistake –

Think. Don’t panic. Breathe shallowly. Listen. A floorboard creaks. Someone slides open one of the other cupboard doors.

It’s him. Sakaki knows where she is, Kaorin would have called her name. 

She’s this close to bursting into tears and begging someone to help or just saying, over and over, _Please don’t, please don’t –_

She is not. She is not going to do that. They protected her, all of them. They protected her and now she can’t even protect herself?

He’s opening another cupboard. Panting, and she hears him yell, “Damn it, I know you’re here! Just –”

It’s lucky that she doesn’t have time to think about it, think how unlikely it is she’s actually going to pull this off when she can’t catch a ball or run without tripping over or – or anything. She doesn’t think. She kicks open the cupboard door, sees him whirling round to shoot, gets the gun up in front of her – _both hands on it like Sakaki showed me –_

Pulls the trigger.

Next thing she knows, she’s curled up on the floor, crying and crying, while outside, a scratchy voice comes over the microphone telling her she’s the winner.

Mr Tadakichi doesn’t look shocked, he doesn’t say to her _how could you_ or _what made you think you deserved to be the one who survived?_ He only nuzzles her and even lets her cry and cry on him without shaking her off him. She closes her eyes and tries to see their faces and she can, but none of them say anything to her, none of them will tell her why. 

Her dad heard her telling Mr Tadakichi. It’s much later, when she’s stopped crying all the time, that he says, one night, _Why wouldn’t they have chosen to try to save you?_

She gulps and manages to say, _They shouldn’t have tried to save me. They should’ve tried to save themselves._

_It doesn’t work that way. If you try and save yourself, you lose yourself to it. Any of them, if they’d tried to be the winner, they’d have had to kill the rest of you. But you gave them something to live for in that game, while they could. They died as themselves. There are worse endings._

They say that no one is truly dead until everyone who remembers them is gone too. Chiyo isn’t sure it’s worth much, but it’s something. They’ve given her something to live for, now, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for 12daysChristmas, prompt "Twelve great weights".


End file.
